The Quantity of Seconds by Nick Perry
- 18 hours ago
- 2 min read
You’re here… but not… hello? If it’s not too much… trouble… I’d like to… somehow… maybe… hear from you again? Or… at least know… I’m talking to you… can you hear… me? Would it be… like before? When time melted… when grass was comfortable… when we held… Where did you… why did you have to… who? I miss you… like I miss… like I miss… cigarettes… no… Remember? What did you… call them? Nauseating… Nauseous… Noxious… Nox… what? I quit… them… because of… you… Remember? You… who couldn’t hate… hated them… You said… they spoiled your clothes… your hair… our home… that they would… stain me… blot me… dry out my insides… shrivelling… life-cutting… burning… Did they? Harm me… or you? Why… why can I only… think… remember… what you hated? You… were… so much more… than your hates… I’m here… and you’re… If hadn’t… would we be… I haven’t smoked in… in… would you know? If I… lit one again… if the smoke fled… would it bring you back? To tell me… put that out… no… Smoke rises… but you… Would it shorten me? Bring me… closer… to where you are… now? If it would… I would… Then we would be… where? Where we were silent… but… talking… Could that be again? Or… was once… all we had? And now… burned out… It was a long once… but not enough… There were so many memories… and now… why can’t I think of them? All that’s there… all that’s turning up… are those… damn… cigarettes… Their obfuscation… filling the distance… between lights… that was you… right? Is you… now? Was I ever… ever… that to you? Did I ever… get into your lungs… like you got into mine? Did you ever… hold me in… like that? I did… for you… I blew up inside… for you… like wings… inflated with you… pressed out by you… you… like a gas… like smoke… filled every part of me… I must have… told you… then… once… at least… Now? Now’s dry… I want… I need you… to breathe again… to breathe me out… breathe me in… to expand… please… What will I have… to live on? Does someone else… exist… that matches you… matches me? Everything… so hazy… But our time… our spark… no matter… the quantity of seconds… was… brief… beautiful? Are you there? …
ABOUT:
Nick Perry is a teacher-librarian-novelist. His debut book, Broken Water, is available everywhere through Chicken House Press. He's happy to call Port Moody, British Columbia his home.
WRITER'S SONG PICK: Graveyard Man - Cursing