In the night, the thoughts linger,
Staring upwards, shaking fingers,
Discouraging whispers,
heard by an uneager listener.
While living for acceptance, trying to prove,
That I am ripping myself apart in order to improve,
Fear of failure, a constant downpour,
Spiraling thoughts can never be ignored.
Walking through a muddied pile,
Bend down to a note,
Torn, scattered, and wet,
A page from a notebook left unread.
In the rain, I walked in mind,
Weighed down by an anchor unkind,
Path after path I turn,
I can never fully learn.
A labyrinth is an endless chase,
And I am starving for validations embrace,
I feel pressure, giving up in feats of might,
Others can easily win this fight.
A bright light shines,
Thousands of glowering eyes,
Stare bright on the stage I stumbled upon.
Air as stagnant as mildewed melons.
As expected I stand alone,
Feeling like every part of me is exposed,
Although on display I feel,
Broken and cracked I kneel.
Down my forehead hits the wood,
A shadow of what had stood,
Cold sweat frictions well,
Sliding my body slowly farewell,
Spilling myself onto the screen.
Laid out are pieces, meant for only me,
Viewed to all but neglected of achievements,
Pieces picked apart hold different meanings.
Page pulled out of my pocket,
I slam it down, a chance to derogate,
Aid my perceivement,
So now we are all in agreement.
The page is read by audience vast,
I lay holding it unabashed,
As I tried to clean the paper more,
To make it how it was before.
I sought myself in the judgments I’d scorn,
Would lose myself and continue to mourn
I had never been more convinced,
Understood, but never fixed.
ABOUT:
Alexandra Shandrenko is a writer and a University student, expected to graduate in May 2024 with a bachelor's degree in Computer Science and two minors in Cybersecurity and Philosophy.
EDITOR'S SONG PAIRING: L CON — Weighed Down